Getting Smart

A new car isn’t the only thing Melanie’s new job has afforded us. After three-and-a-half years with my Samsung S390G, I have upgraded to my first ever smart phone. I wasn’t upgrading for the purpose of getting a smart phone. My Samsung had started to act up now and again, and I figured this was as good a time to invest in a new phone as any. My new phone is an LG Ultimate 2, which for a smart phone really isn’t that fancy. But, seeing as how it’s my first, it’s more than enough. Truthfully, I’m a no-frills kind of guy. I want to be able to send texts and talk. I’m mildly interested in the ability to use apps, but I don’t even know what to trust and wonder if it’s worth the fuss. To put a Facebook app on the phone, I basically have to give Facebook permission to do whatever the hell they want. It practically says that in the permissions. By installing the app, you are agreeing to let it do stuff “without owner’s knowledge.” That’s literally a clause in the agreement. Yeah, I know. I’m a grumpy old man.

One phone upgrade that I’m particularly excited about is the improved camera. It’s not like I typically rely on my cell phone for taking photos, but I don’t carry my digital camera around with me. When an impromptu photo opportunity strikes, a cell phone is all I’ve got. I see other people post photos from their cell phones all the time, and they’re always gorgeous and stunning, in full HD. My Samsung photos looked like garbage unless you happened to be outside on a very sunny day, in which case they were okay. Well, my smart phone has a much better camera. I’ve tested it, and I wish I were more awestruck by the improvement. It’s nothing like I see from other people, but it is a step in the right direction. I’ll have to be content with that for now.

I’ll conclude this brief post with some of the photos I’ve taken on my new phone. Enjoy!

Considering this was taken outside, at night, without a flash, it isn't that shabby.

Same as above: outside, nighttime, no flash.

Melanie and I try out the "front-facing" camera, which is even lower quality (re: less megapixels) than the normal (i.e. "rear-facing") camera.  A front-facing camera is basically designed for selfies, since you can see yourself on the screen as you take the photo.

An old-fashioned selfie, taken with the rear-facing camera.  This time we've used a flash, and you can tell.  We're better lit, but there's something unnatural about our appearance, as if we've put white powder on our face or something.  We're looking just a touch more Marcel Marceau than I would like.

This photo looked much worse before I tweaked it.  The problem, once again, was using a flash.  I don't know much about editing photos, so this is as good as it gets, folks.

A slightly more distant shot of the boys, with a flash.  I don't like the paling effect of the flash.  By the way, if you're curious and can't tell, we're at the Gateway Mall in downtown Salt Lake City.

My favorite photo so far, in terms of quality.  It was a beautiful grey morning, and I had just enjoyed a chai latte from this Starbucks.  In my car, I decided the view was too picturesque to ignore.  This photo also served as my first ever post-a-photo-to-Facebook-from-your-phone photo.

The end!

2013 in Review: Miscellaneous

This is the sixth and final entry in my blog series reviewing 2013. Previous entries included television, books, movies, music, and food.

After reviewing TV, books, movies, music, and food, there isn’t a lot more to write about. Or nothing I want to write extensively about, anyway. So, I’m going to wrap up my review of 2013 by going over a few things from a wide selection of categories. Here goes.


Kindle Apps
I don’t use my Kindle nearly as much as you might think (and I know you’ve thought about this extensively), but sometimes my school schedule affords me greater opportunities to play. It all depends on the parking situation. Yes, parking. You see, unless my schedule is such that I’m arriving to school quite early in the day, parking can be a gigantic pain in the butt. If I want to make sure I have time to hunt down a parking spot, which often involves circling the same parking garage for 30 minutes until somebody leaves, I usually leave for school much, much earlier than I’d need to if I were guaranteed to find a spot right away. If I get a spot sooner than later, I’m then left with a good half hour (or more!) to spare before class begins. This is when I’m most likely to use my Kindle. I’d say 80—90% of my personal Kindle usage has been during such moments. And while I have read a couple of books on the Kindle, I’ve spent most of my time on game apps. Early in 2013, I learned for myself what the Plants vs. Zombies craze is all about and devoted many hours to it. A couple of months later, I became somewhat obsessed with Cubistry, which is basically the video game equivalent of Mahjong but with the tiles arranged in a cube. I also had brief love affairs with the games Temple Run 2, Zombie Road Trip, 7 Little Words, Backgammon, and FlipPix Art. I wouldn’t go so far as to claim that these are the best apps I discovered in 2013, but they are definitely the ones I devoted the most time to. Other apps are probably more impressive—I have Sonic the Hedgehog on my Kindle, for crying out loud!—but I found the aforementioned apps better suited for concentrated and/or repetitive gameplay. So there.


Podcasts
Early in 2013, I tried to keep track of all of the podcasts I listened to and what were the best of the bunch. I did a pretty good job of this for a couple of months, and then I quickly abandoned the practice. I was simply listening to too many podcast episodes to maintain a list. For that reason, the particular podcast episodes I can now recommend are ones that I listened to either early in 2013, or not that long ago. These are the only ones I remember well, either because I wrote them down or because they are still relatively fresh on my mind. All of the podcasts mentioned here are Mormon-themed, as those are the only podcasts to which I’ve been listening. (I’ve had something of a one-track mind over the last year, as I explained when I posted about my reading habits of 2013.)

If you’d asked me during the first half of 2013 what my favorite overall podcast is, I would have said A Thoughtful Faith. Three of the very best podcast episodes I listened to last year were from A Thoughtful Faith: an interview with Terryl & Fiona Givens, an interview with Rock Waterman, and an interview with James McConkie. (The Givens’ son Nathaniel was the spotlight of another great podcast from A Thoughtful Faith, on epistemic humility. It’s also worth a listen.) Anyone who is even remotely interested should listen to the Terryl & Fiona Givens and the Rock Waterman interviews. The Givens interview features so many quotable and beautiful descriptions of Mormonism, all from a very faithful yet informed perspective. The Waterman interview strikes hard at the often-blurred line between Mormon culture and Mormonism proper. While Waterman’s interview can be seen (heard?) as somewhat antagonistic, there is very little of what he says with which I don’t wholeheartedly agree.

Some behind-the-scenes management changes take us from A Thoughtful Faith to the birth of Exploring Sainthood. The same person running the podcast for the former created the latter. Consequently, the initial spat of podcasts from Exploring Sainthood were all top-notch, featuring interviews with Steven Peck (on evolution and Mormonism), James Faulconer (on philosophy and theology), Devery Anderson (on the development of LDS temple worship), and more. Another shift in management put the Exploring Sainthood podcast on hiatus, but it has recently been resurrected. I haven’t listened enough to the new version of the podcast to say how it compares overall to its original incarnation, but you won’t go wrong with those early episodes.

Mormon Matters is probably my favorite podcast overall right now. It features a more topical approach to Mormonism, exploring such varied subjects as patriarchal blessings, the notion of Satan in Mormonism, near-death experiences, and C.S. Lewis. Many of the episodes have been incredibly fascinating. Recently, Mormon Matters began a series on the Old Testament that has been richly rewarding. Speaking of which, the podcast to which I have listened most consistently over the past year is Engaging Gospel Doctrine. Engaging Gospel Doctrine supplements the lesson manual for LDS gospel doctrine classes and delves into its subjects much more deeply (and, where appropriate, academically). Paradigms and assumptions can be challenged, but as a seeker of truth and enlightenment, I find this more beneficial than not. One of my favorite episodes of Engaging Gospel Doctrine featured a discussion of Joseph Smith’s First Vision and the differences in the various accounts thereof. Good stuff.


Personal Growth & Development – or, Life in General
In certain respects, 2013 was a monumental year for me. I learned a lot about myself—about what I believe, about what I value, about what I want to do in the future, etc. By making only brief mention of these things, I will unavoidably be downplaying their significance. Nevertheless, I will now cite a few of those key events from 2013 that have had a profound impact on me, in one way or another, whether directly or indirectly.

Early in 2013, I was offered continued (and increased!) funding to remain in my doctoral program for the 2013-2014 academic year. I’m incredibly grateful for this, as I’d be up crap creek without it.

January 2013 saw the unfolding of a chain of events that I regard as miraculous. There are too many details to share them all here, but they ultimately led to my writing first for the A Thoughtful Faith blog (which quickly disappeared) and then for Exploring Sainthood (for whom I still write). This has been a rewarding experience for me. Part of why this is so important to me has to do with how it came about, which I’ve touched on briefly in a previous post. I won’t say more about that here, but I’ll mention that the entire Exploring Sainthood community—those I’ve met and connected with as a result of joining the Exploring Sainthood team—has become a kind of family to me. That may sound overly dramatic, but my participation in Exploring Sainthood, including interactions that are limited to private Facebook groups, has been essential to my spiritual growth and development over the last 12 months. I feel like I am thriving, which is something I hadn’t been able to say for several years prior.

Melanie and I developed some friendships in 2013 that have been very important to us. The reasons are varied. Friends are always a good thing to have, but it’s more than that. For one thing, this is a friendship between our whole family and their whole family. It’s not that Melanie is friends with someone, and because of that friendship, our families occasionally get together and tolerate each other reasonably well. No. It’s that we’re all legitimately friends. Our kids are great friends with their kids, and Melanie and I are both great friends with both of the adults of the family. Maybe you’re rolling your eyes at this, but this is new for us, to have our entire family click with another entire family. Anyway, it’s been a good experience. The parents in this family have a lot in common with Melanie and me. They enjoy talking about religion and music, which right there means I’m unlikely ever to run out of things to say to them. If that weren’t enough, this friendship has led directly to another great development of 2013…

…I am taking piano lessons! As I’ve tried to make clear in a previous post, this is very significant to me. It has gotten a ball rolling that I intend to let roll for the rest of my life! I’ve really been enjoying it. Despite playing the guitar (in a manner of speaking) for approximately 20 years, I’m tempted to say I feel a greater affinity for the piano. There’s something that feels more natural about it. The connection to what I’m playing feels less mediated somehow. I’m sure I’m not making myself clear, but I know what I mean. And the cool thing is, while I’m still a newbie at piano, I feel like I’m already developing some piano music of my own that isn’t too shabby. Considering my lack of experience, I’m proud of the little tunes I’m plunking out. The only downside of all of this is that I’m now feeling a greater sense of regret that I didn’t do more with piano earlier in my life. Or even with music in general. I could probably go on at length about this, but I’ll spare you.


And I suppose that’s as good a wrap-up of 2013 as I could provide. In keeping with the egocentric theme of this blog, I haven’t tried to share any of the major developments in my family’s life—Peter starting Kindergarten, Melanie’s increased battle with migraines, etc. Obviously, I could make a review of 2013 quite extensive if I wanted. But I don’t, so I won’t.

The end.

The Microwave That Wouldn’t Die

I bought a microwave when I moved out of my parents’ house for the first time approximately 10 years ago. It was a small, cheapo microwave I bought at Kmart (if I remember correctly). That microwave carried over into my marriage to Melanie, our moving across the country to Atlanta, and all the way to Tallahassee. Not a bad $40 investment (again, if I remember correctly). Well, as of two weeks ago, that microwave is no more. It’s not that it stopped working. It’s that it stopped working correctly—in that it wouldn’t stop working.

Lest your brain explode as this mystery, I’ll explain. But I’m going to go back further than is necessary, because otherwise this blog post will be pointlessly short. For months now, our microwave has shown signs of old age—dementia, a lack of self-control, etc. Once in a rare while, it would flash inside. Not so often that we felt our lives were in danger, but enough to know something wasn’t right. More commonly, the microwave would make sickly noises. The usual microwave hum would sometimes be replaced by a fairly aggressive growl, as if the microwave were trying to achieve liftoff. Neither of these problems was consistent, so Melanie and I never did much more than say, “We really should be getting a new microwave soon.” That’s about as much motivation as the faltering microwave could muster in us.

Then two weeks ago happened. I put a mug of water in the microwave to make hot chocolate. I set it for 90 seconds. 90 seconds came and went. The microwave beeped to signal me that the time had elapsed. But the microwave kept going. It didn’t stop. I pushed the “cancel” button. The microwave continued to radioactivate my water. I didn’t dare open the door in an attempt to stop the microwave, because what if it didn’t work and the machine kept pumping microwaves into the air? I didn’t want to microwave myself! So, I reached back and unplugged the appliance. It stopped. Phew! I took out my hot water and made hot chocolate.

I told Melanie what had happened. I wanted to warn her, in case she plugged it back in and tried using it and it once again didn’t stop. We weren’t sure we should even bother trying it again, but Melanie eventually decided she would. But the moment she plugged the microwave back in, it resumed its microwaving activities. The fact that it had been unplugged for quite some time didn’t matter. It immediately turned on.

Well, that settled that.

Melanie and I actually survived a week-and-a-half or so without a microwave. Did you know you can reheat things in a conventional oven? It’s true! For me, it was the leftovers from our second Thanksgiving that prompted a quick correction to our microwave-less situation. Although we went a couple of days reheating turkey, mashed potatoes, etc. in the oven, doing so made us realize how much we’d missed the luxuries of modern technology. (Because, you know, conventional ovens aren’t modern technology! Pssh!)

Our new microwave looks nice, but it is huge in comparison to our old one. It takes up significantly more countertop space, which is not good for our tiny kitchen. Fortunately, I’m pleased with the microwave otherwise. I’ve only used it a couple of times, but still. When we reheated our last plate of Thanksgiving leftovers using the microwave’s “sensor reheat” feature, which automatically determines how long to heat your food by detecting the presence of steam, the results were impressive. The turkey didn’t get dried out, and yet a thick blob of mashed potatoes was hot to the center. All of this without our having to stop and stir or blend or rotate or what have you. The sensor reheat didn’t work as well for warming up pecan pie, but common sense probably should’ve told us that. If your pecan pie is giving off a lot of steam, it’s going to be pretty damn hot. Way hotter than you need to get some vanilla ice cream melting on top.

To conclude, here are some photos, but of course.

Creegan was rather excited about the new toy. He insisted on being in some photos too.

The end.

Ben the Birthday Boy

I celebrated my birthday this week. A little bit, anyway. Despite the fun I had on my actual birthday, it doesn’t feel like I really had a birthday. It was so much more low-key than it usually is. That’s okay. The celebrating isn’t done. I plan to go out to dinner tonight with some friends, and we’re using my birthday as the excuse. I don’t even know where we’re going, but we’ll see.

On my actual birthday, the celebrations were as follows. Presents in the mid-morning, lunch at a restaurant, and then a movie date with Melanie. The same friends with whom I’m going to dinner tonight offered to babysit Eddie, Peter, and Creegan so Melanie and I could go on a birthday date. That was pretty cool of them. We went to see Gravity, which was very good. Although I didn’t walk away feeling like I personally love the movie and want to own it, it was an excellent film. It may be the best 2013 movie I’ve seen, although I haven’t seen a tremendous amount of films that were actually released during this year. We’ll see if it holds up as one of the best after a couple more months.

As for my presents, I got several. The first present I opened was a joke. I knew it was going to be a joke because my boys told me as much. They could barely contain their excitement at watching me open a gift that I was undoubtedly going to find hilarious. Perhaps this story is best told in pictures. I’ll post photos below, although I warn you that they aren’t of the greatest quality.

Holding up the first present I am to open.

This is going to be hilarious!

Punch line!

Aside from the gag gift (which was a clearance item we will legitimately pass onto someone else), I received: the latest John Mayer CD (Paradise Valley); a CD called Immortal, which features Michael Jackson music as remixed for the Cirque de Soleil show of the same name; two seasons of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia; a twin-pack of Home Alone and Home Alone 2 on DVD; three books; and a new alarm clock. The new alarm clock is especially exciting for reasons outlined here. One of the coolest things about this new alarm clock is that it automatically sets itself. You can change the time zone if needs be, but otherwise it sets itself. Isn’t that amazing? Melanie says this appears to be a standard feature on alarm clocks nowadays. Welcome to the future! Sure enough, the second I plugged in the alarm clock, it said the correct time. Pretty snazzy.

And that’s pretty much all there is to say. I’ll conclude with a few pictures. Here you go:

Two of my three books. The one on your left is a detective book whose story involves “every variety of pleasure, enticement, seduction, and delusion known to man.” The book on your right is all about improving your spirituality. Like any honest individual, I’m attracted both to sin and to salvation.

Creegan was purposely avoiding the camera, but you can see him peeking through just under Eddie’s armpit.

One more for the road.

The end.

Utah 2013: Part VI

For previous installments in this series, please see Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, and/or Part V.

Our vacation has been a little less action-packed since I last wrote. Part of the reason is that Edison and Peter are doing school in the mornings, but part of the reason is also that we’re just plain getting tired. We’re experiencing vacation fatigue at this point. If I’m being completely honest, I think everyone feels it—not just Melanie, the kids, and I, but Melanie’s parents, etc. I think everyone is looking forward (at least a little bit) to Melanie and me leaving and having life return to normal. That being said, the fun hasn’t completely ceased. Here’s what’s been going on recently:

Friday, August 23rd
Knowing my semester would start on Monday, I had to spend Friday morning finalizing some things for the class I’m teaching. I had to build a website for the course, etc. That’s what I did while Melanie did school with Eddie and Peter. Nothing fun really happened until the evening, when Grandpa put up a tent in the backyard and lit a campfire. The kids loved playing in the tent, which was quite big. We roasted marshmallows and eventually settled down to put the kids to sleep in the tent. Almost immediately, Melanie’s brother Kaleb and his girlfriend Kaya were texting us to see about going out for shaved ice. This had been our plan, but we didn’t know if we would go without kids once they were asleep or what. Seeing as how we weren’t far along in the bedtime process, we took the kids with us. We met up with Kaya and Kaleb at a shaved ice stand in the parking lot of a nearby grocery store. (Plenty such shaved ice stands exist in Utah. I don’t recall ever seeing them in Tallahassee.) At Kaleb and Kaya’s suggestion, we got our shaved ice with a serving of ice cream in the middle. I’d never heard of this. It was decent. The ice cream was macadamia nut flavored, and the shaved ice surrounding it was flavored (on one side) cream soda and (on the other side) boysenberry. The kids split a shaved ice flavored with root beer, cream soda, and cotton candy.

When we returned home, my family ended up sleeping in the tent through the entire night. This surprised me. I didn’t think all three kids would last through the night, and even if they did, I didn’t think I would. I wasn’t very comfortable. Somehow I made it through.


Saturday, August 24th
We started our Saturday with “pancakes on the porch,” as Grandpa called it. Actually, we were up on the deck, overlooking the backyard in which Melanie, the boys, and I had slept in the tent. It seemed a fitting breakfast after doing some rough camping. Eddie and Peter had chocolate chips in their pancakes, which was fun for them. (Creegan wouldn’t go for such nonsense.) We all got ready for the day, and by then everybody was feeling hungry again. We took to one of the eating destinations that Edison has been insisting on, which is Sconecutter. I don’t consider Sconecutter to be an essential Utah visit, but their scone sandwiches are something I’ve never seen the likes of anywhere else. We enjoyed ourselves well enough.

After Sconecutter, we headed to my parents’ for a birthday party. And whose birthday were we celebrating? Mine and that of my older sister, JoAnna. JoAnna’s birthday was actually upcoming, within just a few days. Mine is in October, but they decided to make it a joint celebration seeing as how I’m never around to celebrate my birthday with them. How very kind! In addition to cake and brownies (both of which I sampled), I was given a t-shirt, a pocketknife, some cologne, a reusable water bottle, and a watch. I was particularly excited about the watch, as my watch had broken shortly before coming to Utah. In fact, I literally had intended to purchase a watch on the very evening of this birthday party, having found it rather annoying to go without one. It was such a serendipitously appropriate gift that I asked if I had mentioned breaking my watch, but apparently I hadn’t. It was just good timing, no pun intended. Sadly, I don’t have any photos. Even with birthday shenanigans going on, I failed to take any pictures while with my family of origin. Am I lame or what?

After the party, we brought the kids home and let them hang out at Melanie’s parents’ house while Melanie and I went to Old Navy. I seriously buy clothes so rarely, and I had hoped to pick up a few things. I’m still regularly wearing shirts that I’ve owned longer than I’ve known Melanie. That’s no lie. I always feel it’s indulgent to spend money on clothes, but I figured I’d splurge a little. I actually ended up buying four shirts and a pair of cargo shorts. Three of the shirts are just t-shirts, but that’ll be nice. The cargo shorts are comfy, and the button-up shirt is of a light (perhaps linen) material that feels really good. I’m glad to have them. Upon leaving Old Navy, I had to stop and talk to a 911 operator on my cell phone. You see, my cell phone has a terrible design. I can “lock” my phone so that you can’t call out, but it’s super duper easy to unlock. I keep it in my pocket, and it gets unlocked all of the time. It seems like half the time when I pull it out of my pocket, I discover that my cell phone is not only unlocked but connected to the Internet, using up my minutes on nothing. It’s annoying. Well, since being in Utah, I’ve discovered that it’s also very easy to dial 911—even while the phone is locked! There must be some “security” feature that allows you to call 911 without unlocking the phone, because twice now during this trip I have had my phone dial 911 while it’s in my pocket and still showing as locked. The first time, I was fortunate enough to catch it and end the call before it connected. But when it happened again after leaving Old Navy, I did not. I heard the distant voice of a 911 operator without realizing what it was, but quickly surmised that my phone (still in my pocket at this moment) must have called someone. I took it out and saw that it had called “Emergency.” I disconnected the call as I tried to unlock the phone. A moment later, 911 was calling me back to check on me. Because the phone simply displays “Emergency” as the person who I had called, I didn’t know if it was an official 911 operator or some sort of emergency operator associated with the cell phone provider or something. I didn’t know. As such, I don’t think I always answered things very well. When I told the operator it had been a mistake, she asked me a series of questions to determine that I was not in an emergency situation. She asked me my phone number, what address I was calling from (I had to approximate that), to verify the name of the store that I was at (which I guess she could see on a map or something), etc. At one point she asked, “Do you need the police or medical assistance?” I said no. She asked something like, “Are you answering these questions of your own free will?” I said yes. Being the paranoid person I am, I worried that I wouldn’t sound convincing enough and that the operator would be suspect, but it all worked out. She must have believed me. Phew! We’ll see what happens next time this happens, which could be any moment now. [Author’s note: Less than an hour after writing the preceding sentence, I pulled my locked phone from my pocket to discover the words “Call SOS?” displayed on the screen. Fortunately, I was able to cancel the call before it happened.]


Sunday, August 25th
On Sunday afternoon, Melanie and I had plans to visit my sister JoAnna. She lives about an hour away, and so we had to take something of a drive to see her. It was kind of nice just to be on the road for a while. It was calm. JoAnna fed us Papa Murphy’s pizza, including a very yummy chicken, spinach, sundried tomato, and feta pizza with a white garlic sauce. The kids were able to make their own pizzas with a little kit JoAnna had purchased. Oh, and there was Diet Mountain Dew aplenty, making us all giddy and gleeful. After eating, we spent some time outside on the playground. Thanks to Melanie, we finally got some photographs with people from my side of the family. Sort of.

The visit with JoAnna was pleasant, even as we spoke about the difficulties of life. JoAnna has always been a good confidant and, until Melanie came along, was always my best and closest friend. I’m sad I won’t see more of her on this trip.


Monday, August 26th
Melanie, the boys, and I had lunch with Kaleb, Kaya, and Melanie’s mom at Café Rio. Grinders 13 and Café Rio are the only Utah eateries that I typically hope to hit more than once, and this trip I was lucky enough to eat twice at each. We were a large group and Café Rio is always crowded and loud, so it wasn’t a very social affair for me. I was at the end of the table, with the boys sitting across from me, and I didn’t hear most of what was said. That’s okay. It was fun enough.

In the evening, Melanie attended the combo bridal shower / bachelorette party for my sister Khrystine. Meanwhile, I took the boys to nearby Sugar House Park. Sugar House Park is a rather large park with no less than two playgrounds. We tried both. The kids much preferred the second playground that we went to, which was far less crowded and less slide-oriented. (After getting shocked on a slide, Edison is quite reluctant to go down slides. He’s a paranoid kid.) We were only there for about an hour, and then it was starting to get dark. I drove back to where the bachelorette party was taking place and texted Melanie to let her know I was out there. We stopped at a Redbox on the way back to Melanie’s parents’ house and rented Mud. We watched it after the kids fell asleep—although neither Melanie nor I saw the movie in its entirety. Melanie bailed about halfway through after continually losing a fight with sleep. I was in and out during the last 20 minutes or so. From what I saw, it was a good movie.

To be continued!

Utah 2013: Part V

For previous installments in this series, please see Part I, Part II, Part III, and/or Part IV.

Tuesday, August 20th
We’ve had the same laptop for several years now. It was a low-end laptop at the time we got it, considering which I think it’s had a very good run. Although opinions vary, I’ve been led to believe that a cheaper laptop may only last you three or four years. We’ve gone a year or two beyond that with our current model, and I feel good about that. But lately, it’s really started to show signs of old age. Although we don’t use the laptop for anything fancy, it’s started to run slowly and get hung up on things somewhat often. This has been annoying, but with so much of Edison’s and Peter’s schoolwork needing to be done online, the deteriorating state of the laptop has become increasingly problematic. I’ve seen it coming for a while now that we’d need to buy a new laptop. And now that Edison and Peter are back in school and the laptop is even worse than it was a few months ago, we decided to act now. I did some research online and then went out on Tuesday morning and purchased a new, lower-end laptop.

You’d think having a new laptop would be kind of fun and exciting. Melanie and I aren’t tech geeks by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s hard not to get caught up in the excitement of buying something like this. Unfortunately, I’m feeling a bit lost. Every new laptop PC I could easily find runs Windows 8, and Windows 8 is radically different from any of its predecessors. Everything is based on the idea of “apps” rather than “programs,” and the setup is geared toward touchscreen interface rather than a mouse. You can still use a mouse, of course, but you can tell that’s not what it was designed for. It is not an intuitive system to me, and I think it’s ridiculous how long it can take to figure out something really basic like how to shut down the computer or how to get out of a program -- er, app. There is no longer a start menu, so the normal way you might try to locate something (like calculator or notepad, two basic programs I actually use quite a bit) is not available. Sure, the new ways of doing things might be simple -- but they are new, and hence, they are not the least bit obvious. It’s a far greater learning curve than I’ve ever had with a new computer, and it drastically dampens any fun I might otherwise be having. I really miss the way I used to have things set up, and some of it can’t even be replicated on this new system. In this regard, the new laptop is very bittersweet.

Alas, turning to happier news, Melanie and I took the kids over to my parents’ home in the later afternoon on Tuesday. It was the smallest crowd we’ve faced yet, and as much as I love seeing people I don’t often get to see, I think it helped to have less competition in the room. I was actually able to interact with people in a more sustained way. We also hit a milestone by leaving our kids alone with my parents for the first time. They (the kids) were totally comfortable with it, which was really cool. Our kids absolutely love Melanie’s parents and have a really great relationship with them. They are fairly closed-off to my parents and pretty much avoid speaking to them. What it boils down to is that they just don’t know my parents. My parents are basically strangers to them. Melanie’s parents, on the other hand, are like their best buds. The reason is simple, really. They have had a lot more interaction with Melanie’s parents. Melanie’s parents have come out to visit us several times, unlike my parents. Melanie’s parents regularly speak to our children on the phone, unlike my parents. My mom told me that she doesn’t want to bother our kids because they don’t seem comfortable around her, and so she tries to leave them alone. But that’s just guaranteeing that my parents will remain forever strangers to my children. It’s kind of sad, to be honest. I imagine my children growing up and not having a clue as to what to say about my parents. That’s kind of depressing to me, but I can’t force things, can I? Anyway, returning to the positive side of this story, Melanie and I left the kids with my parents and went out to pick up dinner from the nearby Woody’s Drive-In. Woody’s is an old carhop, a burgers-and-malts type of place. Utah seems to have quite a few of these places, but I’ve never found anything similar in Atlanta or Tallahassee. Sonic or Dairy Queen is about as close as you can get, but it’s a poor comparison in my mind. The places I’m talking about have awesome food that seems mom-and-pop produced rather than mass-produced. They have tons of shake flavors and a wide variety of food -- not just burgers and fries, but hot dogs, fish, gyros, fried zucchini, fried mushrooms, Reubens, flavored sodas, and on and on. Melanie and I both ate bacon mushroom burgers with fried zucchini. Melanie also had a caramel cashew shake, and I had a raspberry cheesecake shake. Tell me where you can get all that in Tallahassee? That’s right. You can’t.


Wednesday, August 21st
I had to spend some of the earlier hours on Wednesday working on a syllabus for the fall semester. You see, I’m teaching Symbolic Logic again. They offered it to me, and even when I told them I’d be out of town for the first week of the semester, they said the job was mine. The department chair is going to fill in for me during the first week of school, but it’s mine after that. This is a really great opportunity, and I’m excited about it. I TA’d for this course in the summer, and it made me desirous to teach the course again, even before I knew it was a possibility for me to do so. The hard part is that I’m going to have 48 students, rather than the 17 or so students I had when I previously taught the same course, and I won’t have a TA to do all the grading for me. Still, I don’t think teaching the course will require much prep time, and that’s a huge bonus. I’ve already got a nice set of PowerPoint slides I can utilize. It’ll be nice.

One of Melanie’s and my very favorite parts of our Utah trip last year was what we dubbed our “super date.” We left early in the morning and didn’t come back until after our kids had been put to bed by Melanie’s parents. This year, we went on what you might call a “super duper date.” At my mother-in-law’s suggestion, Melanie and I actually went on an overnight date. We left around 4 p.m. on Wednesday afternoon and didn’t get back until 8 p.m. on Thursday night. It was quite lovely. We started off by heading to Ruth’s Diner, where we enjoyed eating dinner al fresco. A bee started harassing Melanie near the end of our meal, which was kind of a drag, but it was otherwise extremely pleasant. We then headed downtown to the Broadway Centre theater and saw a movie. Being at the Broadway once again made me think that Salt Lake City is like Manhattan when compared to Tallahassee. Not just the culture of having a theater geared toward independent film, but seeing the bustle of the slightly upscale restaurant attached to it and the general sheen of the peripheral nightlife. Many would scoff at the notion that SLC offers something of a nightlife, but compared to what Tally offers, it’s something else.

After the movie, we headed to the city of Bountiful, which is about 10 minutes north of SLC. Melanie and I had hoped to stay in a hotel downtown, but we couldn’t find anything that wasn’t substantially more expensive than what we could find elsewhere. We actually got our hotel room via Priceline.com, with one of those "last minute deals" types of things. Basically, they tell you the general area in which the hotel is located and how much the room will cost and then you decide if you want to accept the deal or not, all without knowing the actual hotel at which you’ll be staying. Once you accept a deal, they reveal which hotel you’ll be staying at. We stayed at a Country Inn and were extremely pleased. We were given a spacious king suite, and it was less than we’ve paid for a hotel room in years. Not much at all, really. It was awesome. I don’t know if people will find it pathetic or not, but we quite enjoyed just kicking back in an oversized bed and watching Househunters without having to worry about kids interrupting us. It was blissful. By the time we went to bed, it was something like 2 a.m. The room was dark, and we were able to drop the thermostat to whatever we wanted, which kept the room quite cool. Yes, it was very, very lovely. Not that it amounts to much, but here are a few photos of the room:

Thursday, August 22nd
The super duper date continued. I woke up shortly after 8 a.m. and got ready for the day. It felt great being in bed, but I knew I wouldn’t fall back to sleep very easily, and I worried I might actually feel worse if I did fall back asleep and have to wake up again. I also get antsy whenever I feel like I’m wasting time, so up and to the shower I went. Melanie woke up a little while later, and we got our stuff together to check out. We had hoped to catch breakfast somewhere bakery-like. I didn’t want to eat anything too heavy, because I expected us to eat out for both lunch and dinner. We also planned on going to a couple of movies, and I assumed we’d get popcorn at least one of those times. As it turns out, we ended up skipping breakfast altogether. Not that we wanted to, but it’s what happened. You see, we had spent some time the night before figuring out what our first movie of the day would be. We discovered a movie theater not too far from our hotel that had early showtimes. It was a theater we’d never been to before, and that made it seem fun to go there. And so we had a showtime all picked out. By the time we were checking out of our hotel, however, we felt that we had better go straight to the theater. And so we did, hoping that the theater might actually have something light that we could eat. (This isn’t an outrageous hope, given that many of the new theaters of this particular brand offer a variety of food options.) Sadly, the theater didn’t offer much beyond the standard fare. Feeling starved, we ordered popcorn and a couple of drinks. That was our breakfast.

As Melanie rightly points out, Utah has a strange habit of making dirt-colored buildings. Isn’t being a desert good enough without having to make the buildings look like dead earth, too? We don’t get it.

The rest of our day didn’t go quite as I’d expected it, either. I’m amazed at how little time it felt like we had, all things considered. After the first movie of the day, we returned to Salt Lake City proper and went to Grinders 13 for lunch. I was happy to hit them for a second time during our vacation, because I love them so much and they have two equally delicious sandwiches that rival for my affections. I had the pot roast sandwich this time around, which was not quite as good as it should have been, I think because the guy making the sandwich originally forgot to put on the gravy and then just gave me a cup of gravy after the fact that I could add to the sandwich myself. It wasn’t mixed into the sandwich in the way it would have been, and it made a difference. Still, it was good. After lunch, Melanie and I slowly meandered back toward the south of side of town, briefly stopping in at a grocery store to pick up a few things, and then heading to yet another movie theater. We bought our tickets, then quickly dropped in at a nearby Target to kill a few minutes.  We then headed back to the theater and watched our second movie of the day. (In this case, we saw Kick-Ass 2, with Melanie being one of only two females in the theater, I believe. BTW, Utah movie theaters list Kick-Ass 2 simply as Kick A 2. How quaint!) By that time the movie ended, it was 6:30p.m. How is it that our super date last year seemed so much longer than this super duper date? Who knows. At this point, Melanie and I drove to our final date destination, a new pizza place we’d heard good things about called Pizzeria Limone. Melanie and I both chose a pizza that was olive-oil-based and marinara-free. My pizza had fresh basil, thinly sliced pear, prosciutto ham, and crushed pistachios. Melanie’s also had fresh basil, but featured thinly sliced lemon and red onion. I must say, Melanie’s was better. The lemon really made it taste fresh and lively.

By 8 p.m., we were back at Melanie’s parents’. Eddie, Peter, and Creegan excitedly ran to Melanie and hugged her aplenty. Eddie gave me a hug. Peter and Creegan barely looked at me. I had to special request hugs from them. After talking for a few minutes with our boys and Melanie’s parents, we put the kids to bed. Despite the wonderful break we had been afforded, I almost immediately lost my patience with my children and they were soon expressing that they hated me. It was rather depressing, to be honest. Melanie and I are hoping that next time around, we can get away for two nights. I can’t wait.

Utah 2013: Part I

The summer semester came to an end on Friday, August 2nd. On Tuesday, August 6th, Melanie, the kids, and I flew to Salt Lake City, Utah, where are we now staying with Melanie’s parents. We’re just a few days into the trip, and so far so good. Even a trip to the emergency room was surprisingly postive! (More on that in a moment.) Rather than provide weekly updates as I did with our Utah trip last year, I’m just going to post when and if I get a chance. I’m hoping that will make it easier for me to chronicle our vacation. So, here’s what’s been going on:

Tuesday, August 6th
Now that Creegan is two, he’s required to have his own seat on the airplane. For the first time in years, Melanie and I were able to fly without an “infant in arms.” Each child had his own seat. It made the flights immensely more enjoyable. We also owe thanks to Amazon.com, makers of the two Kindle Fires that kept Eddie and Peter entertained for pretty much the entire flight from Atlanta to SLC. Headphones also came in quite handy, both to mute out the noise of the Kindle Fires for all of the other passengers, and to enable to me to listen to a podcast on my iPod while en route. It was without a doubt the most pleasant flying experience Melanie and I have had since reproducing.

We arrived in Utah around 4:20 p.m., Mountain Time. Melanie’s parents and her brother Tom were there to greet us. Melanie’s mom had brought us oversized cans of Diet Mountain Dew to make our arrival all the more sweet. After collecting our luggage from the baggage claim and finding our way to the cars, we waded our way through rush hour traffic that far exceeds anything we ever have to deal with in Tallahassee. The boys had fun exploring and re-familiarizing themselves with Grandma and Grandpa’s house. We were, quite unsurprisingly, exhausted. After dinner and just a little bit of playtime, we crashed for the night.

Wednesday, August 7th
Melanie and I had our first Utah culinary outing. Leaving the boys with Melanie’s mom, Melanie and I took to Café Rio, one of Utah’s most popular eateries. We arrived just after 11 a.m., so the place wasn’t too busy yet. We had a punch card that we had slowly filled over the last two or three years, which got us a free meal on this most recent visit. Melanie and I both opted for salads. They were super yummy. We talked about what we want out of life. I waxed nostalgic for living in Utah, despite the downsides that it would inevitably involve. Being out in the world without kids can be magically rejuvenating, and so it was. Melanie and I hope to spend some time alone every day during this trip. We’ve actually already failed at doing that, but it remains our goal.

After Café Rio, Melanie and I came back to her parents’ house and watched the final episode of the most recent season of The Bachelorette. Yeah, that’s right. We then spent the rest of the day just hanging out. Edison and Peter spent a lot of time playing Minecraft with Uncle Tom. Eddie has looked forward to this more than anything, especially because the desktop computer version of Minecraft is a bit more involved or expansive than the portable version he can play on the Kindle Fire. For weeks before we ever left Florida, Eddie talked a lot about what he was going to do on Minecraft once we were in Utah. I’m glad he’s excited by it, but he’s a bit obsessive. Unfortunately, now that he’s started playing the game here in Utah, he gets rather impatient when it comes time to do anything else. He complains and whines and frets about being denied the opportunity to play. Any alternative plan is irritating to him, and he isn’t shy about making that known. Luckily, things have gone surprisingly well once we actually get involved in other activities. For example, we walked to the nearby elementary school on Wednesday evening, and Eddie, Peter, and Creegan had a great time playing on the playground equipment. Tom joined up with us before long, and there were several others kids at the school with whom Eddie and Peter could play. They had a good time, and it was wonderful to be outside and not hate it, as is pretty much guaranteed in Tallahassee at this time of year. In fact, I usually don’t even think about it being warm outside here in Utah. It doesn’t even enter my mind!

Thursday, August 8th
It was time to visit my side of the family. After everybody was awake and ready for the day, Melanie and I took the kids to nearby Taco Time for lunch and then headed to my mom and dad’s apartment. I expected to see my mom, my sisters Karen and JoAnna, and JoAnna’s two kids (my niece and nephew, Rayne and Caius, respectively). To my surprise, my dad was also at home, and a short while later, my little sister, Khrystine, showed up. It was more of a family reunion than I had anticipated, and that was great. I was able to get on a rant about religion, which I love to do, and Khrystine was able to catch Melanie and me up on all of her wedding preparations. She even hand-delivered us her wedding invitation, which was fun. It was a jolly good time. Because my parents’ home is so much tinier than Melanie’s parents’ house, it’s harder to keep the kids entertained, but we brought along the Kindle Fires and thereby kept Eddie and Peter happily off in la-la land. And even Creegan had a good time with all of the toy cars that were available. As an added bonus, Khrystine’s fiancé, Saeed, dropped by to pick up Khrystine just as Melanie and I were leaving. We saw practically everyone there is to see on my side of the family in that relatively brief visit. Pretty cool.

Would that I could say the rest of the day went just as pleasantly, but alas, I cannot. Things were going well for a little while. Eddie played Minecraft, Peter played on Melanie’s mom’s iPad, and Creegan hung out with Grandma and Grandpa while Grandpa worked on Grandma’s car. Then we started the bedtime routine, and things went a little nuts. As I fought to get all three kids rounded up, tooth-brushed, and read-to, I kept losing one or two of them along the way. At some point, Peter and Creegan were chasing each other all over the house while I worked with Eddie, who typically is the least resistant. At some point, I was standing in the bedroom Melanie and I are staying in, and Melanie was in there, and suddenly Creegan comes running in, crying quite badly. Tom comes in almost immediately to inform us that Creegan had just bashed his head into the corner of the kitchen counter. At this point, all three of us adults are under the impression that Creegan has merely bonked his head. But then Tom points out that Creegan is bleeding. I look over, and Creegan, who is climbing into Melanie’s arm, is bleeding heavily out of his head. It’s pouring down the side of his face in a surprisingly thick sheet. I was very surprised and alarmed. I hurried to get a washcloth, but Creegan was quickly bleeding through any little towels Tom and I would bring to him. Melanie said we needed to go to the ER, and so I immediately started getting ready for that.

In the brief couple of minutes that it took to get Creegan into a car seat, he had calmed down. He wasn’t distraught. He just seemed sad. Looking at his head, which had been slightly cleaned by the towels we had used, it didn’t look terribly frightening. I wondered if the corner of the counter had merely skinned part of his head and not really done any serious damage. Nevertheless, we headed to the hospital, thinking it safest. On our way there, Creegan seemed quite normal. I even got him to smile and laugh a little bit. By the time we parked, Melanie and I were wondering if we should even bother visiting the ER. It seemed like the safest bet, but we also felt like it could easily be pointless. After a couple of minutes of further deliberation, we decided to proceed. Melanie and I had re-examined Creegan’s head and could see only a tiny hole, as if someone had poked a pencil into his head. It didn’t look that threatening, but we figured we’d be better off safe than sorry.

Our trip to the emergency room ended up being one of the most pleasant of any doctor’s visits with which I’ve ever been involved. Since having children, I’ve been to the ER a handful of times. Every visit prior to this one has taken several hours, at best. Based on my previous experiences, I thought that even if Creegan’s head injury was nothing to worry about, we might not leave the hospital for five or six hours. But this ER visit was unlike anything I’ve ever known. We walked in, and could see no other patients waiting to be treated. We were immediately taken back, calmly but quickly examined at triage, and then put in a room where a nurse soon came to visit with us. She put some numbing ointment on Creegan’s head so that the doctor could examine it with little disturbance. The doctor showed up so quickly that he worried Creegan’s head wouldn’t be numb, and so he left us for another ten minutes before coming back. Meanwhile, the nurse continually played with Creegan and made him laugh. Then the doctor came back, looked at Creegan’s head, and said it wasn’t a big deal. He said we could give Creegan a single stitch or just apply some ointment, whichever we preferred. Obviously, we preferred just using ointment, and the doctor agreed that this was the easier route to go. And so, they gave us a couple of small things of ointment and sent us on our way. It was quick, the staff were all incredibly friendly, and we didn’t even need to get a prescription! There’s no way this is how things would have unfolded in Tallahassee! Without a doubt, it would have taken at least three or four times longer in Tallahassee, and that’s on the conservative side. Melanie’s mom had taken Eddie and Peter off to bed when Melanie and I left for the hospital. Neither of them were asleep by the time we were back home. It was that quick.

Friday, August 9th
So far, today is good and injury free. We skipped the 7 a.m. hot air balloon launch that took place just a couple of blocks from Melanie’s parents’ house. After last night, we didn’t want to get up early and try to rush somewhere. So, instead, we had a calmer morning and then headed with Melanie’s mom to Scheels. Scheels is a sporting goods retailer, although such a description is at least somewhat misleading. They have lots of clothes and handbags and other things that aren’t at all sports-related. They’re slightly snootier than you might think. Anyway, Scheels opened their first and thus far only Utah store last year, shortly after Melanie and I had headed back to Tallahassee. Kaya, girlfriend of Melanie’s brother Kaleb, had given us a guided tour of Scheels while it was still under construction last August. Today, we saw the open and fully operational Scheels for the first time. It was quite fun. We enjoyed their large fish tank, we took a ride on their Ferris wheel, and Eddie, Peter, and Creegan played Rollerball, which is basically a slightly miniaturized version of bowling. Scheels is more like an amusement park than you might expect. After roaming the store, we stopped in the Scheels food court and got the kids some gelato while Melanie, Melanie’s mom, and I ate lunch. We three adults each had a sandwich wrap, and I thought mine was quite good. Melanie’s mom then purchased some cinnamon pecans, cashews, and almonds for us to take home. ‘Twas fun.

As I write this, Melanie is off visiting one of her old school friends. The kids are with her, and I am taking the opportunity to put up a blog post. I wish I had some photos to share, but we haven’t even taken any yet. In all fairness, we tried to. But when we got out our camera and tried to turn it on, we learned that the battery was dead. It’s charging right now, so hopefully my future Utah posts will be much more visually appealing. Until then…

I Snooze, I Lose

I’ve owned the same alarm clock for over a decade. I bought it because, at the time, it seemed fancy-shmancy. The main attraction was that the alarm clock could wake you up to a CD, something I thought was just unbelievably cool. Not only that, but you could set up to three different alarms! Wow! I trusted the Sony brand name, and I purchased the clock radio without reservation.

Jump ahead approximately a dozen years, and I’m still trying to figure out how this damn clock works. I know, I know, this story inevitably paints me as a moron – either as a moron who can’t figure out an alarm clock after something like 4,000 nights of sleep or as a moron who has put up with a crappy alarm clock for over 10 years rather than purchasing a replacement. Well, be that as it may, this little alarm clock boggles my mind. Whether I want to turn the sounding alarm off or just press snooze, it’s like trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube, blindfolded and with one hand. Now, I know everyone stumbles and fumbles when trying to deal with an alarm. Spending 2.5 seconds groping for the alarm and feeling your way to the snooze button is nothing new. But what I’m talking about is far, far worse than that. On this particular alarm clock, as with many other alarm clocks, the snooze bar is the most prominent button on the device. Unlike any other alarm clock I’ve ever dealt with, however, this snooze bar has to be pushed repeatedly before it actually responds. Put simply, it makes you beg before it will do anything. I honestly believe there are only a few select places along the snooze bar that can be pushed to any effect. As you can imagine, this is terrible. The best strategy is to just start rat-a-tat-tapping all over the top of the alarm clock, as if you’re typing in a PIN. If you’re lucky, you’ll get the code right and the alarm will be silenced. Of course, you the run the risk of double- or even triple-activating the snooze, which on this alarm clock adds 10 additional minutes to your snooze time for each push. You might want a 10-minute snooze and end up with 30. If you actually have to get somewhere, that’s bad news. And yes, it’s happened to me more than once.

I know what you’re thinking. Why not just turn the alarm clock off and forget the snooze? In other words, quit complaining and get out of bed already! Unfortunately, turning off the alarm might be even more difficult than pushing snooze. Unlike the alarm clocks of yore, this alarm clock does not feature a switch that turns the alarm off and that must be switched back into place in order for the alarm to be set for the next morning. Such quaint functionality would make silencing the alarm a breeze. But on this contraption, you simply press a button that silences the alarm and leaves it ready for the next day. There are obvious advantages to this. And perhaps there are obvious reasons for making the “off” button somewhat difficult to find, such as that you are less likely to turn off the alarm and then slip back into slumber. But this particular “off” button resides as a slight bump on the face of an alarm clock that itself is rather bubbly-shaped. The result is that it’s nigh unto impossible to distinguish the “off” button from any other contour of the alarm clock, including the myriad other buttons very near to the “off” button, at least one of which, if mistakenly pushed, will set the radio blaring. If the goal is to wake you up, I suppose this is fairly effective. But it’s also highly frustrating.

I suppose in this day and age I should be using the alarm clock on my cell phone, or at least upgrading to an alarm clock that can play mp3s and automatically update my Facebook status to let my friends know when I’ve gotten out of bed. Yeah, I probably should. But as you can tell, I tend to keep things old school around here. And what’s more old school than sticking with what you’ve got and relentlessly complaining about it?

Top 5 Discoveries of 2012: Apps

This is the fifth official list in my “Top 5 Discoveries of 2012” series. To see my music list, click here. To see my television list, click here. To see my books list, click here. To see my 2012 movies list, click here. To better appreciate my approach to making these lists, please read the brief introduction to this series (posted here).

Melanie and I have cheap cell phones. We don’t have newfangled smart phones that can be loaded up with apps. However, Melanie received a Kindle Fire for her birthday in 2012, and so apps have now entered into our life. For those who don’t know (Hi, Mom!), apps are basically just programs. The distinction doesn’t matter much. What matters is that apps serve a wide variety of purposes. Many apps are games, while others serve as utilities (e.g. maps, calculators, day planners, etc.). There are also entertainment and social networking apps that allow you to use Facebook, Netflix, Hulu Plus, and the like on your cell phone or other app-friendly device. Because Melanie’s Kindle has been used primarily as our official home video game system, nearly all of my app experience consists of game-playing. I haven’t played nearly as much as my kids have, but I’ll now present my top five app discoveries of 2012—from the least of my favorites to my favorite of favorites. All of these games were acquired for free from the Amazon App Store, so if they strike your fancy and you’ve got a Kindle or an Android device, you can get these for yourself.

5. Angry Birds

Naturally, the Angry Birds franchise is where my family got started. And, naturally, I loved the games from the get-go. I rarely play them now, but it would be a conscious exercise in cultural rebellion to deny them a place on this list and I’ve never been much of a rebel. If you’ve somehow never played Angry Birds, you can do so for free via Google Chrome’s Web Store. It loads up right in your browser window, and you can play it all day long. So, what are you waiting for? Flip the bird, already!

4. Scramble Touch

Scramble Touch was one of the first games my family acquired on the Kindle Fire. It is basically like Boggle, in electronic form. There are probably countless other apps that are knock-offs of Boggle, and for all I know, those games are much better. But Scramble Touch was the first app I felt somewhat addicted to and wanted to play over and over again. For a short while, I never had a bowel movement without spending some good time playing Scramble Touch.

3. Happy Jump

When I first played Happy Jump, I literally squealed with delight. It’s a rather absurd little game in which you utilize the tilt sensitivities of your portable device to guide a bouncing mold of red gelatin up a series of landings and platforms, some of which move. The goal is simply to get as high as you possibly can. The game is over either when your gelatin misses a landing or hits a bumblebee. Along the way, you collect coins, and your bouncing gets an extra boost whenever you collide with an apple. Like I said, it’s absurd. The gelatin never stops bouncing, so it’s surprisingly challenging to keep going. It is easy to find yourself saying “one more time” about a thousand times in a row, making Happy Jump a severe threat to your productivity. I should note that there is a very similar game called Ice Cream Drop wherein you tilt your Kindle (or phone, etc.) back and forth in order to guide a scoop of ice cream down a series of landings and platforms. I don’t find that game nearly as fun, but a variation of Ice Cream Drop exists called (no joke) Happy Poo Fall. In that version of the game, you are not a blob of slippery ice cream but a dollop of (again, no joke) feces. What kind of crap will they think of next?

2. Sky Burger

Sky Burger is another endless food-based game that utilizes tilt functionality and offers players no other goal than to keep going. In this game, you start with the bottom half of a hamburger bun, which you can slide back and forth along the bottom of your screen. Various hamburger toppings fall from the sky a la Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. If a topping lands on your bun, it stays there. If a top hamburger bun lands on your sandwich, the round is over. In order to finish the round successfully, you must construct whatever burger is on your ticket. In lieu of points, you get money for each requested topping you collect. You also get a “tip,” which increases as you nab correct toppings and decreases as you pick up anything else (including too many of the requested toppings). The tip also depreciates if you miss a topping that you still need. As you progress, the burgers become more complicated, which makes them taller, which makes it more difficult to avoid inadvertently grabbing a top bun before the proper burger is constructed. Fortunately, the sequence of toppings never matters. If the burger is supposed to have six pieces of cheese, four beef patties, and ten servings of pickles, they can be arranged however. It’s a good thing, too, because the burgers get much, much more complicated than that.

1. Army of Darkness Defense

I discovered this game only recently, downloading it on a whim while completely ignorant of the fact that it is based on the cult 1992 horror/fantasy/comedy film Army of Darkness starring Bruce Campbell and directed by Sam Raimi. When I realized it was tied in to the movie, I was stoked. Not that you need to be familiar with the movie in order to enjoy the game, but fans of the film will be in on the inside jokes that permeate the game. In the game, you play Ash, the one-handed hero who must protect the Necromonicon Ex-Mortis, or book of the dead (basically), from falling into evil hands. Utilizing your “boomstick” and other assorted weaponry, as well as by calling swordsmen, knights, peasants and a host of others to your aid, you must fight off the large swaths of skeletons that come your way. Those familiar with the wildly popular Plants vs. Zombies will tread familiar territory here, although Army of Darkness Defense is slightly more geared to the RPG (role playing game) crowd. You collect coins from your defeated foes, which can then be used to upgrade your armor, your weaponry, etc. Given that this game is available for free, it’s an absolute must-have. For fans of the film, it would be a sin to pass it up. The game utilizes genuine audio clips from the movie, such as Ash’s flubbing of a magical incantation to summon supernatural assistance. Downloading this game is a Klaatu Verata Nobrainer.

On the Phone (Again)

Sometime last week, I hit the two-year mark of owning a prepaid cellular phone. I wrote here about making the switch from our monthly pay-ahead Sprint plan to a prepaid plan with Tracfone. I also wrote at the one-year mark (see here) to report that the switch was saving us loads of money. Now that another year has passed, the savings are even more impressive. So, I thought I’d write about it all again.

As a reminder, back when Melanie and I were with Sprint, we had one mobile phone and paid for the cheapest monthly plan that Sprint had to offer. After the myriad taxes and fees that get tacked on to the basic monthly service fee, we were paying nearly $50 per month for one heavily underused phone.

In January 2010, Melanie and I bought two new mobile phones with Tracfone. The phones cost us $20 and came with 200 minutes of prepaid talk time. To keep our phones active, all we have to do is reload each phone before it runs out of minutes and/or before the service date for that phone ends. Every time you add minutes to the phone, it adds 90 days to your service period. Thus, you are stuck buying more minutes every 90 days, even if you don’t yet need them, just to keep your phone active. On the other hand, if you need to buy more minutes after just 30 days, you’ll still be extending your original service expiration date by 90 days. The service days can accumulate, in other words. So, if you add minutes to your phone on 10 different occasions, even if it’s within 10 days, you’ll have added 900 service days to your phone. Anyway, when we activated our phones, we were given more than 90 days of service to begin with. I lucked out with literally years’ worth of time on my phone. Right now, I have 1,275 days (or 3 ½ years) left until my service expires, provided I keep my phone loaded with minutes. (Melanie didn’t get so lucky and has actually had to buy minutes just to extend her service date.)

Of course, the whole point of changing to prepaid cell phones was to save us money. Has that been accomplished? Yes, indeed. The more minutes you buy at a time, the cheaper each minute is. Thus, Melanie and I have typically bought 900 minutes at a time, which costs $80. It sounds like a lot when you’re paying for the minutes, but in my case, 900 minutes last nearly forever. I’ve reloaded my phone only twice since purchasing it, and as I write this, I’ve barely made it through half of the second batch of minutes that I bought. Adding it all up, including the initial $20 that it cost to buy my phone, prorating my minutes so as to be accurate in my estimate, I have calculated that my cell phone is costing me about $6.07 per month (not including tax, which probably adds about $.25 per month). That means that even if Melanie is burning through 450 minutes per month (which she’s not), we’re breaking even compared to our Sprint days. I honestly don’t know just how many times we’ve had to reload Melanie’s phone, but it has been at least a couple of times more than mine. Still, I’d be surprised if we’re spending even $20 per month for us both to have phones. It’s probably much closer to $15. I once again rejoice in our decision.

While I think the Tracfone service has gotten better over the last two years, it hasn’t been as reliable as Sprint. Nothing has been problematic enough to make us look elsewhere, but I’m happy to hear from anybody out there who believes Melanie and I could both have cell phones, with even better service, and pay this little for it. I’m not committed to Tracfone, and in fact I was quite pleased with Sprint’s service. It’s just that Tracfone has made more sense for us than anything else thus far. (Or is it that Tracfone has made more cents for us? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!)