The Post What Precedes Surgery

In approximately 12 hours, I’ll undergo carpal tunnel surgery on my right hand. I thought I should type up a quick blog post before my right hand becomes temporarily unusable. I have some mild anxiety, though it’s not about the procedure itself. It’s the uncertainty of what to expect afterward. I’ve heard it can take at least a few weeks to begin using your hand again, but when I scheduled my surgery they told me I could be fine within a couple of days. That’s a big difference. Part of me feels this urgency to do everything I might possibly need or want to do online before I’m effectively one-handed. I had all these blog posts I thought about writing, but I simply haven’t had time. I’m now racking my brain, trying to determine what else needs to be done before it’s either impossible or too difficult to do it. So, yes, I’m experiencing apprehension, but it’s for lame reasons. It’s like when you go on a trip and you worry you’ll forget something important and not remember it until the very moment it’s too late. It’s a kind of looming unease. That’s what I’m feeling.

In almost entirely unrelated news, my gig as a stay-at-home dad (which is largely what I am at this moment in my life) has resulted in my spending a lot more time with Creegan. Initially, I had a hard time, but I think we’ve both gotten into the rhythm of it all. There have been numerous times when I’ve thought I quite enjoy what I’m doing and maybe it’s what I should’ve been doing all along. It’s not a very realistic thought, for about a thousand reasons—the fact that I’m really only alone with Beegy for 4.5 hours per day, the fact that I’m primarily taking care of only one child during that time rather than three, the fact that I’m not dealing with babies who are in constant need of attention, etc., etc., etc.—but the point is that things are going well enough for me to have such irrational thoughts from time to time. That’s good.

I’ve gotten into the habit of driving Melanie to work two or three times per week so I can have the car. This has enabled me to do things with Creegan that keep us both entertained and sane. But I’ve actually been surprised how much he resists it. He never wants to go places, even though we have fun once I can get him to go along. We’ve gone to the nearby mall, which has a carousel. We’ve gone to the library a few times. We’ve gone to parks and nearly been eaten alive by greedy geese who can’t get enough Wonder bread. We’ve gone grocery shopping (which isn’t fun, exactly, but it helps the time pass). Creegan has adjusted very well to his brothers being gone a good chunk of the time. I’m very grateful for that. It’s a bummer that after I have surgery, I probably won’t be able to drive for a little while. Our little outings will have to be put on hold. Beegy will probably be fine with that, but I worry about myself.

I thought I would briefly take a moment to share one of Beegy’s linguistic quirks. He’s had it for a long time, but I don’t think we’ve written it down anywhere, so this is my rectifying that. Creegan pretty much always uses the word “what” in place of “that,” at least in certain sentence structures. Although Beegy will correctly say “give me that car,” he will mistakenly say “give me the car what’s red.” Instead of saying “is that the game that Peter was playing?”, Beegy will say “is that the game what Peter was playing?” Rather than saying “Dad is reading a book that’s scary,” he’ll say “Dad is reading a book what’s scary.” You get the idea. I don’t know how this got started, but it’s been that way as long as I can remember. Eddie and Peter also had a linguistic quirk, but it’s greatly improved by now. It started with Eddie, and Peter simply followed suit. They would reverse “ask” and “tell.” Or, rather, I’m not sure that they even would use the word “ask” all that often. So, instead of saying “go ask Mom what we’re having for dinner,” they would say, “go tell Mom what we’re having for dinner.” Or if Melanie asked Eddie what the best part of his day was, Peter might chime in, “Tell me what the best part of my day was!”, when he really wanted Melanie to ask him the same question she had asked Eddie. You can see how this particular quirk can cause a lot of problems. Thankfully, I think it’s pretty much gone, although just a few days ago I heard Peter use the word “tell” when he clearly meant “ask.” So, who knows. I’ll have to tell Melanie if there are any other slip-ups what she’s aware of.

Snobs and Conformists

Dating back to the beginning of time, knowledge and responsibility have been inseparably intertwined. This is so primordial a fact that God’s very first warning to humans centered on it. And the trend has continued. Being a language student, I am increasingly aware of grammatical, syntactical, and other linguistic concepts and, subsequently, of their misuse in the modern American vernacular. Herein lies a dilemma—do I become a snob or a conformist?

“Certainly, there must be a middle ground!” I can hear you saying. If only that were so. Unfortunately, things look bleak. Once one is aware of something being “correct,” there is no way to undo the process. When that knowledge then comes into conflict with society as a whole (or even with just one other person during an intimate conversation), there is no way to alleviate the moral tension that swells within the breast. Do I heed Shakespeare’s advice and remain true to myself, or do I risk sounding like a smarter-than-thou snoot?

I’m sure we’ve all faced this dilemma at some point in our lives. Who of us has not had a friend pronounce a word incorrectly, only to wonder how we should then pronounce the word? In many a situation, correcting them seems rude, but saying the word correctly after they have mispronounced it seems just as bad as correcting them. In fact, it could seem even more snobbish to do it that way, as though you are purposely drawing attention to the word in an effort to humiliate them. To intentionally mispronounce the word for their sake, however, seems akin to lying. Indeed, it seems self-deprecating (or, as my little sister once said, self-defecating).

Of course, it need not always be an issue of linguistic concern. The same types of situations can arise when one cites an incorrect source, for example. If a Led Zeppelin song comes on the radio and your friend comments on how much they like Rush, as grave a misunderstanding as this may be, it does not always seem appropriate to correct them. The problem is accentuated by the level of confidence with which the misnomer is spoken. It is also affected by how directly you are involved with the comment. For example, if one friend said to another friend, “I’m pretty darn sure this is Rush. Aren’t they great?” it would probably be okay to inform them that it is, in fact, Led Zeppelin (although it would probably not be appropriate to inform them that Rush, in fact, sucks). However, if someone you don’t know all that well tells someone else that it is Rush, and they say it with the poise of utmost authority, it may seem arrogant to butt in merely to correct them. Such examples are myriad and must be analyzed based on their own particulars. But you get the point.

You may wonder what has caused this violent stir within me. Today, I learned that licorice should, accurately speaking, be pronounced “lick-oh-ris,” not “lick-oh-rish.” True, most dictionaries list both options, but this is merely catering to the public. Do I plan to change my pronunciation? No, but only because I myself have always called it “lick-oh-rish.” In general, I believe that language is a tool, and so whatever the mass populace holds a word to mean or sound like, that is what the word means or sounds like. For example, it seems somewhat ridiculous to me that “cool,” used in its most common sense (meaning “neat”), is still considered slang. It’s been used as “neat” for decades now! But, there’s a difference when something is the result of laziness and ignorance, such as pronouncing mayonnaise, “ma-nays.” I have not even seen “ma-nays” as an option in the dictionary, so this one’s not even debatable! “May-oh-nays,” people! “May-oh-nays!” Plus, if mayonnaise is pronounced “ma-nays,” shouldn’t mayo be pronounced “ma-”?

While I do not claim to be an authority, feel free to take this simple test. Below I will list five pairs of sentences. Choose which sentence in each pair is the grammatically correct one. On my comments page, I will post the answers. Enjoy.

1) Sentence A: Who do you hate the most?
Sentence B: Whom do you hate the most?

2) Sentence A: The paper lying on the ground will surely get wet.
Sentence B: The paper laying on the ground will surely get wet.

3) Sentence A: Mmmm! This ma-nays tastes great!
Sentence B: Mmmm! This mayonnaise tastes great!

4) Sentence A: The crowd of people are looking for the best mayonnaise.
Sentence B: The crowd of people is looking for the best mayonnaise.

5) Sentence A: Bessie makes mayonnaise better than you and I.
Sentence B: Bessie makes mayonnaise better than you and me.