Guess what I did today? I went to my first piano lesson. That’s right. I’m taking piano lessons! A very good friend of our family teaches piano, and I’m now one of her students. I’m extremely excited about this. In my head, I keep thinking about how this is a much bigger deal than anyone (other than me) probably realizes. If you’re not in my head, you wouldn’t have any idea how often I’m thinking about music and bemoaning the fact that I’m not devoting more of my life to being a musician myself. There’s a very essential (and I think beautiful) part of my soul that is pure musician. I’m shy to admit that because my talent doesn’t come anywhere close to matching my passion. I’m sure many a musician would claim I am undeserving of the title they hold, and I can’t say I blame them. If I were a real musician—and that doesn’t necessarily mean a professional—I would play because, in a very passionate sense, I have to. I wouldn’t be able to resist. I would give my heart and soul to it. I wouldn’t ignore it like I do. And that is probably true. I’m something of a hypocrite to call myself a musician. Sadly, it’s not because it doesn’t gnaw at me somewhere deep down. I’ve just neglected that part of me. So, yes, call me a hypocrite. I’m equally guilty of reckless endangerment to a very core part of my being. That’s the greater tragedy, in my opinion. On those rare occasions when my musician self comes out—when I actually write a song or perform something for someone—I get the tiniest glimpse of what seems to be my real and true self. The people who have never seen that part of me—which includes almost everybody I know—have, in a very real sense, never seen me. It’s heartbreaking to realize how rarely I make a genuine appearance.
Perhaps the above paragraph gives you some indication of why I regard taking piano lessons as (potentially) one of the most important things I’ve done in my adult life. This is getting a ball rolling that I hope will never stop. This could literally impact and influence the rest of my life in a very positive way. That’s a big deal! I feel like I have just taken a significant step toward making my dreams come true. That’s a big deal! When the idea of me taking piano lessons became a reality, I felt like I had just gotten accepted into Harvard or something. It felt like a huge frickin’ deal. Is that clear enough yet? As a believer in God, I felt inclined to drop to my knees and thank Him for anything and everything that’s played into me finding myself in this situation. Nothing I’m saying in this paragraph is hyperbole. This is a big deal!!!
My birthday is coming up next week. I suppose I should view taking piano lessons as a kind of birthday gift. It certainly makes me feel celebratory. I have hope that 35 will be one of the best years of my life. It should be a pivotal year, given that I’ll either graduate or officially flunk out of grad school. Either way, it should inspire some good songwriting.