Foul Play

Last night I went to my first baseball game of the season. I’m not a big sports fan, but I can’t let summer pass without going to at least one or two games. It’s a summer tradition. Admittedly, I rarely get that caught up in the game itself, but it feels good being there. Or at least it feels good up until you visit the concession stand. What a rip! And never has the quality of concessions (which were never that wonderful to begin with) been so shoddy.

But I digress. I have devised an online quiz regarding my baseball experience. The mission here is twofold. For starters, I am providing a fun and interactive way for you to learn about my game-going experience. Secondly, I am introducing you to the fun world that is DiscoverySchool.com. This website allows you to make quizzes, crossword puzzles, word searches, mazes, and more—and it’s all for free! Though you could certainly use it for more sincere educational purposes, I think it’s great for just goofing around. And so it is that I now present to you:

Benny K’s Baseball Game Quiz

Okay, Here's a Game for Cat Lovers

To keep things fair, I thought I should present this game for cat lovers. Don't worry -- it's so squeaky clean, it'll make you sick. It's called Cat Town, and it may just be the worst game I have ever encountered. It takes less time to win the game than it does to get through the introduction! And if it weren't for the long tail, I'd probably think the hero cat was a dog. Once again, I credit Little Fluffy Industries for subjecting introducing the general public to this "game."

At least the pictures are cute...

Play Cat Town now!

Games for Dog Lovers

Because it’s always good to keep a few time-wasters tucked away in the old Favorites folder, I now present two essentially worthless games available free over the Internet.

The first game is Kitty Cannon. The object of the game, if you haven’t already guessed, is to launch a cat as far as possible by shooting it out of a cannon. You gain distance by bouncing the feline off of trampolines and exploding it with dynamite and so forth; your distance is deterred by carnivorous plants and randomly placed spikes. Actually, because everything is randomly placed, this is essentially a game of luck. There is no skill involved, but I found it rather addicting nonetheless. My best score is currently 1,213 yards. Should you beat that, go ahead and post it in my comments section and I will bestow upon you (what some may describe as) a prize.

Game number two is MMEOWW! Plague of Kittens. In this game, it is raining cats and…well, more cats, and it is up to you to prevent their deaths as they plummet to the ground. But there is a dilemma. Kittens that are safely helped to the ground will eventually credit you with more lives (and thus a longer game), but the big points—and big thrills—come from bouncing the cats as high into the air as possible and getting them to somersault. Hmmm. It’s a true ethical dilemma (a rather utilitarian one, methinks). The fact that this game actually requires some skill is probably its biggest deterrent. One must limit the fun he/she has with the kitties in order to prolong the experience, and vice versa. What a quandary!

Kudos to Little Fluffy Industries for sharing these games with the general public. Many more games can be found at their site, but be forewarned that many of them contain questionable material. There are logos under each game warning you of any offensive content that may be present, so you shouldn’t stumble upon anything by accident. That being said, I should warn you that the two games I mentioned above are rather bloody. Of course, I assume you realized that from their very descriptions, but if not, at least the cat’s out of the bag.

Ha ha.

Hodophobia

I have recurring dreams about traveling. Initially, this may seem a very positive thing. After all, why not take a semi-literal cerebral vacation every night? In my dreams, I have gone to Seattle, New York, Colorado, and even overseas. Unfortunately, these dreams are almost always disturbing. As far as I can remember, they always involve getting stuck or not knowing where I’m going. They are anxiety-ridden and stressful.

The most common culprit is the freeway. It is common for me to dream that I get on the wrong interstate and have no idea where I’m going. I’m always terrified that I won’t have the chance to exit until I am far, far, far from where I want to be. Unlike my waking hours, I am incapable of realizing that, since I am typically starting out in a major city, there will probably be an exit every few blocks. I also fail to realize that, no matter when I exit, chances are an on-ramp will be readily available to take me back in the direction from which I came. But these are dreams—nightmares—and such logic is denied me.

It doesn’t take much to read into these dreams. Do they represent an inherent fear of change? Of venturing into uncharted territories? Of ending up somewhere I don’t really want to be, but being stuck with it? This sounds reasonable enough, even though I don’t immediately identify with such worries. I suppose most people deal with these fears to some degree. As to why I’m plagued with dreams of this sort on such a regular basis, I don’t know. I think my upcoming conference in Colorado is fueling a recent resurgence. One recent dream specifically involved the conference. I realized, once I was there, that I had forgotten to pack any clothes for my three-week trip (though, luckily, I was not naked or anything). I also missed half of my classes because I didn’t know where I was supposed to be going on the University of Colorado campus. It was a freeway-free dream, but the overarching elements were the same. I woke up hating the idea that I am going. But I’ll get over it.

Oh, the days of yore. Before I ever had a driver’s license, I would dream about driving and it was always exhilarating. Now it is a dismal experience. Sometimes growing up isn’t quite the experience we had hoped for…

Splitting Hairs

I hate getting haircuts. I know this sounds incredibly lazy, but I hate it. I always end up with semi-long hair simply because I do everything I can to avoid getting a haircut. For starters, it’s boring. And it’s boredom that costs money. Those aren’t the most inviting characteristics for an activity to possess. Moreover, I hate making small talk. I don’t consider myself a shy person, per se, but if I don’t know someone, it’s pretty much guaranteed that my brain isn’t going to think of anything to say to them. And I don’t know if hairdressers are trying to put the customer at ease or just trying to keep themselves entertained, but they sure make you feel obligated to say something interesting.

Regardless, I finally got a haircut yesterday. It’s been quite a while and I admit that I’m glad to have it done. But it was a dreadful experience. My hairdresser asked question after question, and I couldn’t help but answer every one of them with an awkwardly non-existent enthusiasm. Here’s a pretty fair approximation of what took place:

Hairdresser: So, what did you do for Memorial Day weekend?
Me: Um, nothing really. Just visited with family.
Hairdresser: Oh yeah? Where do you live?
Me: Um, by the University.
Hairdresser: Hmm. So, what are you studying at school?
Me: Um, well…knowing full well that what I’ve studied in school doesn’t mean anything to most people but realizing that I have nothing else to say, I go for the gusto…I just got a philosophy degree and now I’m studying ancient languages, like ancient Greek and Latin.
Hairdresser: Oh. What are you going to do with that???
Me: Um, hopefully go to graduate school and then teach it. That’s pretty much all you can do with it, I guess.
Hairdresser: Wow, what can you do with that kind of degree if you don’t become a teacher?
Me: Um, good question…trying to think of something more to say than I just said…a lot of people do a philosophy degree before going to law school.
Hairdresser: So is that what you’re going to do? Go to law school?
Me: Um, no. Not really.
Hairdresser: So what are you doing all the way out here in this neighborhood?
Me: Um, I’m just out here visiting my girlfriend.
Hairdresser: Oh, does she live by you?
Me: Um, no…she lives just up the street. (Hence the reason for my being out in this neighborhood, as I just stated!)
Hairdresser: Oh. Is that your girlfriend over there?
Me: Um, yup, that’s her.
Hairdresser: So is your girlfriend happy you’re getting your haircut?
Me: Um, I guess so. She’s nice about it and all, but I think she’ll be happy.
Hairdresser: How long has it been since you’ve had a haircut?
Me: Um, I don’t even know. You probably know better than me…trying to think of something more substantial to say and finally making something up that may or may not be accurate…six months, maybe?
Hairdresser: Probably. Men’s hair grows so much faster than women’s! It would take a woman a year to grow hair this long.
Me: (Polite laughter)
Hairdresser: Can you look down for a moment?
Me: No problem.
Hairdresser: (After a brief moment of silence, she hums along with the radio)
Me: (Silently not humming)

Anyway, that’s about it. I suppose I’m all spiffy and upright looking now, so that’s good. But I’m glad to know it’s over, at least for another few months. Given my genetic predisposition to balding early in life, I guess I should be grateful I even need haircuts. My brother was much balder at 21 than I am at 26 (thanks, Grandpa!) But I suppose that’s another blog for another time. If you’ve been bored by this post, I’m not sorry, I’m sorry to say. After all, that’s what this post was all about. For something more interesting, head over to In the Key of Orange and get in on my newest survey. See you soon.