Snobs and Conformists

Dating back to the beginning of time, knowledge and responsibility have been inseparably intertwined. This is so primordial a fact that God’s very first warning to humans centered on it. And the trend has continued. Being a language student, I am increasingly aware of grammatical, syntactical, and other linguistic concepts and, subsequently, of their misuse in the modern American vernacular. Herein lies a dilemma—do I become a snob or a conformist?

“Certainly, there must be a middle ground!” I can hear you saying. If only that were so. Unfortunately, things look bleak. Once one is aware of something being “correct,” there is no way to undo the process. When that knowledge then comes into conflict with society as a whole (or even with just one other person during an intimate conversation), there is no way to alleviate the moral tension that swells within the breast. Do I heed Shakespeare’s advice and remain true to myself, or do I risk sounding like a smarter-than-thou snoot?

I’m sure we’ve all faced this dilemma at some point in our lives. Who of us has not had a friend pronounce a word incorrectly, only to wonder how we should then pronounce the word? In many a situation, correcting them seems rude, but saying the word correctly after they have mispronounced it seems just as bad as correcting them. In fact, it could seem even more snobbish to do it that way, as though you are purposely drawing attention to the word in an effort to humiliate them. To intentionally mispronounce the word for their sake, however, seems akin to lying. Indeed, it seems self-deprecating (or, as my little sister once said, self-defecating).

Of course, it need not always be an issue of linguistic concern. The same types of situations can arise when one cites an incorrect source, for example. If a Led Zeppelin song comes on the radio and your friend comments on how much they like Rush, as grave a misunderstanding as this may be, it does not always seem appropriate to correct them. The problem is accentuated by the level of confidence with which the misnomer is spoken. It is also affected by how directly you are involved with the comment. For example, if one friend said to another friend, “I’m pretty darn sure this is Rush. Aren’t they great?” it would probably be okay to inform them that it is, in fact, Led Zeppelin (although it would probably not be appropriate to inform them that Rush, in fact, sucks). However, if someone you don’t know all that well tells someone else that it is Rush, and they say it with the poise of utmost authority, it may seem arrogant to butt in merely to correct them. Such examples are myriad and must be analyzed based on their own particulars. But you get the point.

You may wonder what has caused this violent stir within me. Today, I learned that licorice should, accurately speaking, be pronounced “lick-oh-ris,” not “lick-oh-rish.” True, most dictionaries list both options, but this is merely catering to the public. Do I plan to change my pronunciation? No, but only because I myself have always called it “lick-oh-rish.” In general, I believe that language is a tool, and so whatever the mass populace holds a word to mean or sound like, that is what the word means or sounds like. For example, it seems somewhat ridiculous to me that “cool,” used in its most common sense (meaning “neat”), is still considered slang. It’s been used as “neat” for decades now! But, there’s a difference when something is the result of laziness and ignorance, such as pronouncing mayonnaise, “ma-nays.” I have not even seen “ma-nays” as an option in the dictionary, so this one’s not even debatable! “May-oh-nays,” people! “May-oh-nays!” Plus, if mayonnaise is pronounced “ma-nays,” shouldn’t mayo be pronounced “ma-”?

While I do not claim to be an authority, feel free to take this simple test. Below I will list five pairs of sentences. Choose which sentence in each pair is the grammatically correct one. On my comments page, I will post the answers. Enjoy.

1) Sentence A: Who do you hate the most?
Sentence B: Whom do you hate the most?

2) Sentence A: The paper lying on the ground will surely get wet.
Sentence B: The paper laying on the ground will surely get wet.

3) Sentence A: Mmmm! This ma-nays tastes great!
Sentence B: Mmmm! This mayonnaise tastes great!

4) Sentence A: The crowd of people are looking for the best mayonnaise.
Sentence B: The crowd of people is looking for the best mayonnaise.

5) Sentence A: Bessie makes mayonnaise better than you and I.
Sentence B: Bessie makes mayonnaise better than you and me.