I'm Ready for Those Flowers

They say that April showers bring May flowers, which I’m hoping is true because I’ve certainly been rained on during the last month (both literally and figuratively—it’s been a wet month here in Atlanta). Among the figurative torrents have been a deluge of student papers in need of grading, numerous hours spent on a master’s thesis that seems to be going nowhere fast, a final paper for a seminar on ancient ethical theories that needs more revision than I wish it did, and a wife whose latest hobby is making me think she’s going into labor.

Whew!

I know the May flowers won’t be starting too quickly. Everything I’ve just mentioned has yet to be fully resolved. I’ve still got a handful of papers to grade. I still have to write a complete draft of a master’s thesis in just over two weeks (and it seriously isn’t very far along the way yet—can you say, “impossible”?). I still have to rework my ancient ethical paper (by Monday!). And, speaking of Mondays, unless something crazy happens between now and then, Melanie and I are already scheduled to go to the hospital and make this baby boy show his face. But, by May 16^th, I hope to start feeling a little more sane. Granted, I’ll be adjusting to fatherhood part deux, and I’ll start teaching an intensive summer course on May 12^th, but once the 16^th gets here, I won’t have any super pressing deadlines. Perhaps that will make life feel a little bit calmer.

Sheesh, who am I kidding? As I write this, I feel like a big fat liar! Good thing I’m writing this post without my pants on, because something tells me they’d be uncomfortably warm!

So, that’s life at the moment. I’m glad to be nearly done with grading papers because I find myself literally getting angry as I grade them. I get angry because so many students do such idiotic things and can’t follow directions to save their lives. Sometimes I want to give them all zeros and say, “You friggin’ moron, you can’t get away with this crap in college! Don’t spend two minutes writing an essay and expect a decent grade!” But instead I have to insert comments like, “Gee, I’m sorry to say that this appears to be slightly off the mark though you’re definitely making a very good point.” This is teacher code for, “Huh?!?!? Have you ever read or even spoken an intelligible sentence in your life??? If you walked around talking like this, you’d be thrown into a mental hospital! What you just said is total gibberish! Let me spell it out for you in a way that you can understand: J-I-B-R-I-S-H!”

To tell you the truth, I didn’t know where I was going with this post when I started writing it. That’s probably not much of a surprise now that you’ve read it. Oh well. I just needed a little venting time.

On a lighter note, go rent the movie Lars and the Real Girl. I watched it last night and it’s a winner. Don’t be too quick to judge it by its plot. If you don’t know what it’s about, maybe that’s for the better. Just rent it and start watching it and don’t turn it off even if you think it initially seems a bit askew.

See you next year, April.