Wednesday, May 03, 2006

My First Parcel Post

Since posting my email address in the sidebar several months ago, rarely does a day go by that I don’t not receive email. Nevertheless, as a service to my faithful readers, I will now answer several letters that easily could have been written to me had anyone bothered to take the time. Enjoy.

Dear Benny K,
So when do we get to find out what the “K” in “Benny K” stands for? I’ve been dying to know ever since I discovered your high-quality blog! Please let us know soon!

Thanks for writing, JP. I’m glad you enjoy the blog. To answer your question, there are several things the “K” could stand for—“Kwality,” “Karing,” “you’ll Knever Know” (ha ha ha!). But seriously, I guess I am kind of extreme about protecting my anonymity. Not because I’m paranoid about strangers, but more so because I don’t want people from my “real world” to stumble upon my site when they decide to google me out of boredom. I’ve googled most people I know, so I know this can easily happen. As for my obscured profile pictures, that has just been a fun way of adding to the mystique. I wouldn’t be surprised if someday you see an actual picture of me. Someday. But, to show my appreciation for taking the time to write, I’ll let you in on a secret – I’ve never gone by “Benny” in real life. I’m just plain old Ben to most people. “Benny K” was a moniker I made up eight or nine years ago when my friend and I used to entertain thoughts of becoming radio DJs. I thought it had a bit more playful pizzazz than the monosyllabic “Ben.” As such it’s become the name of my public persona.

Benny K,
What the [expletive] is the “don-don plentitude” you aspire to, per your profile? Or do I even want to know???

KH, I can assure you that “don-don plentitude” is nothing to be afraid of. The “don-don” part of that phrase—pronounced with a long “o,” mind you, so that it rhymes with “loan-loan” or “bone-bone”—is actually my own personal nickname for donuts. I’m not exactly sure where it started, but I do believe it captures the happy nature of donuts quite well. Feel free to use the term if you find it appealing. For example, the next time you take donuts to the office with you (assuming you’re a nice enough person to do something like this), come through the door and announce with glee, “Look everyone, I brought don-dons!” This charming phrase will only add to the jubilation in the air, I assure you.

Benny K,
I am writing a report for english [sic] about oranges but keep finding your page instead when I search google [sic]. Why are you so obcessed [sic] with oranges? What are you like a pervert for oragnes [sic] or something? LOL, just kidding ;-) But really why are you so obcessed [sic]? Your [sic] not even from orange county [sic], your [sic] from UTAH! I drove threw [sic] their [sic] once with my family. BOring [sic]!! My aunt and uncle and two cousins live in orange county [sic] so they should have a blog about oranges[,] not you. LOL, just kidding!!! But really I think your [sic] a little too obcessed [sic] with oranges! NEway [sic] I better get back to my homework but i'll [sic] probly [sic] just end up on your blog agAIN [sic]!!! Dont [sic] eat too many oranges!! ROFLMAO!!!

Thanks, AD. (Are you sure it’s not ADD? LOL right back at ya!) Actually, the title Sucking on Oranges was inspired by an epiphany I had several years ago. At that time I decided I wanted to treat life like a big, fat, juicy orange that I would suck all of the juice out of. It became a personal metaphor for living life to the fullest. My other pages were given “orange” titles simply to match the theme of this, the “main” page. For the record, I rarely eat oranges although I do enjoy them. Thanks for writing!

Have a question for Benny K? Write to him by deciphering his email address as listed in the sidebar of this blog. If you’re familiar with email addresses in general, you should have no problem figuring it out.


  1. That is just so sweet of you to answer these letters. I think you should make this a weekly feature.

  2. Certainly enjoyed the post. I agree with the would be fun to see one of these every once in awhile.

  3. Benny K. Congrats on your graduation and your beginning gradschool career.
    The letters, like you, are awesome.

  4. Clever post, great idea! Looks like someone's been watching Strong Bad Emails! I'll try to think of some real emails to send.

  5. I liked that. Verry funny!
    BTW, I thought the K stood for Kool! (LOL)