Tales from the Honeymoon Part 7: Canada Dry

The Vancouver Aquarium, located in British Columbia’s Stanley Park, was the final hurrah of Melanie and my honeymoon. It was the last specific tourist attraction we had planned to see, and it ended up being quite a fun experience. While the marine life was certainly more captivating and varied than one may suppose, there were many non-aquatic spectacles as well.


Among the interesting creatures was this starfish, eerily reminiscent of something from Chef Boyardee. Ravioli, anyone?

Plenty of young children were visiting the aquarium. One little boy ran around with his parents’ digital camera, taking pictures of just about everything. Every time he took a picture, he would review it on his camera’s screen and, without fail, proclaim “Cool!” Another boy, whom my kindergarten-teaching wife believes could not have been older than four-years-old, was racing around and reading all the complicated names of the sea life. Impressive Canadians!


This strange, mushroom-with-a-crazy-hairdo type thing was a nauseating sight to my wife. She thought it looked like a bloody mess. Literally.

One interactive display consisted of a large wheel that was divided into roughly 65 equal segments. To demonstrate the ultra-low survival rate of salmon eggs, visitors could spin the wheel and see if it landed on the one spot that represented a salmon reaching adulthood. Melanie gave it a whirl and proved her good fortune by landing on the “winning” piece.


Here it is, the absolutely irrefutable proof that Melanie’s spin landed on “You Win!” You may now put your eyes back in their sockets.


Unrelated to Melanie’s spin, I found this starfish quite amusing. I view it as an attempt at aerobics gone horribly awry. In other words, it looks like me.

Before leaving the aquarium, Melanie and I stopped at the concession stand for a snack. It is here that I realized Canada’s biggest flaw. While Pepsi seemed to take precedence over Coke in British Columbia, Canadian’s were oddly opposed to drinking Mountain Dew. Or so it seemed. Everywhere we went we were taunted by the promise of Pepsi products yet denied their quintessential concoction, that sweet, blessed, neon-yellow beverage that inspires many a good American to rise from bed every morning. Whenever we asked these otherwise Pepsi-friendly Canucks if Mountain Dew was available, they looked at us as if we’d lost our minds. You’d think I’d asked for their urine samples. Same color, wrong taste.


Just one example of a tragically Dewless Pepsi town. Look closely. That fourth selection down is 7-Up. Absolutely sad.

Having enjoyed our modest snack, Melanie and I taxied back into town for a decent lunch. Disappointed in the majority of our more adventurous endeavors, we chose the safely familiar chain restaurant Red Robin. While Canadian quirks still abound (such as pointing out the “washroom” located “down the corridor”), fortune had smiled upon us. We had found the one restaurant in all of western Canada that, to our knowledge, served Mountain Dew! Never had the words “free refills” inspired such joviality in humankind as on that day!


The happiest moment of our honeymoon. This image still makes me cry.

Melanie and I had to be at the train station shortly after lunch. The train was taking us back into Seattle, where we would spend our final night of the honeymoon. Due to a misunderstanding on my part, we had to be at the train station three hours earlier than I had expected. But that was only the beginning of the horror that was riding Amtrak. More on that when I give my final installment of our honeymoon adventures...


A final image from the Vancouver Aquarium. These creatures remind me of quill pens. I would have liked to use one to sign the aquarium’s guest book. Ha ha.

The end.