Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Hindsight is 20/20

About three years ago, I got my first pair of glasses. Lately, I've begun to notice that these glasses are not as helpful as they once were. Reading the board in class is once again becoming a task of squiniting and straining. Television, once crispened alone by my eyeglasses, is now obnoxiously fuzzy without them. Finding an unfamiliar address is an exercise in guesswork, with street signs becoming clear just as it's too late to make a necessary turn. So it is that yesterday I finally had the second eye exam of my life (sans regular doctor visits as a child). According to the doctor, I am still barely in the range of needing prescription glasses. Nevertheless, my eyesight has definitely worsened.

Contrary to my eyesight, one thing that has improved is the technology behind these eye exams. Donning some high tech glasses, I was asked to tell which images on a piece of paper appeared 3-D. This isn't something I remember doing three years ago. It was a lot more fun than reading random letters off of a chart, though I had to do that too. But I must admit, I felt somewhat silly announcing things like, "in row three, the bunny is 3-D." I guess the more childlike they can make you feel, the more you'll trust their sophisticated assessment. Next, I was lead into a room where I was instructed to wear an eyepatch (ahoy, matey!) while they tested my peripheral vision. I was told to stare directly at a dot in the middle of a blank screen. Flashes of light were to occur at random spots surrounding the dot, alternating in brightness and distance from the center, and I was to click a button everytime I noticed one. Having been told to stare, I spent the first little while trying not to blink, especially when I realized the "flashes" of light were just tiny dots rather than the distinct, radiating orbs I had expected. This threw me off a bit because, as anyone who has competed in a staring contest knows, your peripheral vision begins to blur. Finally, I realized the test was lasting too long for them to expect me not to blink, and I believe my score shot up dramatically at that point.

When it came time to pick out my new frames, I knew it would be quite a challenge for someone as indecisive (and dilated) as myself. It came down to two pairs. One felt like a safe bet, silver rimmed and fairly similar in shape to the eyeglasses I have now. The other pair were rounder and considerably lighter, but I worried that they were too small around my eyes. Also, because I have not had round glasses before, I thought I ran the risk of looking quite ridiculous in them despite the part of me that liked them. After much debate, I settled on the round glasses. A bigger change just sounded more fun and (I tried hard to convince myself) the worst that could happen is I'd end up looking like a goof. So what else is new?

Having been caught up in selecting the proper frames, I paid little attention to the actual brands at hand. It was only once I had given the frames to an employee and all of the technicalities were well under way that I realized the brand I had selected: Tommy Hilfiger. Woe is me, I almost wanted to cancel the whole thing. Regardless of how good or bad Tommy Hilfiger apparel is, I despise his advertisements with such a passion that I am now burdened by moral unrest. No, I didn't stop the order from going through, and tomorrow I will likely be picking up the glasses and spending the next few years wearing them. My face contorts at the very thought of it. My one solace is that, so far as I noticed, there was not a Tommy Hilfiger logo anywhere on the frames that was blatantly noticeable. If I am wrong about this fact, I am going to have a serious quandary on my hands. I guess I will just have to wait and see (no pun intended).

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